Vulnerable thoughts today. I’m on vacation, traveling with a friend, staying with her family. It has been challenging because they are all extroverted and want to spend a lot of time together. They are uncomfortable with how laid back and quiet S and I are. We don’t expect to be entertained or doted on, we enjoy quiet time. In addition, I just went through a traumatic experience, relationship suddenly ended, and I moved just a few days ago, so I am in shock, feeling out of place in general.
They asked what traveling with my family was like, what family time was like for me.
I never had that. Family. While I had many people who cared and looked after me, I never really had home, family, closeness, belonging.
This is a deep wounding for me- triggers. I have never really had family or home or felt like I belonged.
I feel like both an orphan and a child of the universe. Free, a little bit wild, independent, and an outsider looking in. Observing and finding moments to enjoy and meaning, and also quiet grieving… while learning to feel at home in my own body.