Looking backwards, it’s easy to connect the dots. I can see how divinely guided I have always been. After sudden and unexpected divorce in 2012, I lost everything. Including the house where my home salon was. I sold things to pay mortgage as long as possible, including my magical, miracle baby grand piano. My son and I were laying on the floor crying after packing and selling things. He said we should go on an adventure. He wasn’t wrong… It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. But if you are losing everything, including your mind, you might as well do it at the beach.
After few weeks in a Belize village, I met Tom. We had instant connection and friendship. He postponed leaving the village so we could hang out a couple more days. Even after parting, we stayed in touch every day, confided in each other; he was a huge part of my healing journey. After a couple years, our friendship grew into more. We talked about a future together, and traveled to visit each other.
However, long term stress in general was making me sick. Plus hair chemicals. My teaching job ended. I was losing income and lost health insurance… In October 2016, He invited me to live with him on his family farm, in the big farmhouse surrounded by orchards and fields in Canada. It was like a dream come true, with many synchronicities leading me there. I felt divinely guided, this was perfect for my spiritual growth and healing.
But- I couldn’t stay there unless we married. Neither of us wanted to marry. A few months after I arrived (Mar 2017), he confessed one morning that he wasn’t in love with me. I already knew, but it was a shock. I had given up everything I knew, and trusted the universe that I was supposed to go there. I had sold my things again, given up my little house, left all the people I loved. I was crushed. I sadly packed and came back to Idaho two days later.
I had no where to live, I was house sitting for a client, using a borrowed car from my friend. 3 days back and someone broke into the car and stole my salon bag. I had no job, income, home, car, family, support, or even my own pillow.
I laid on the back patio in the sun and wept, fetal position. My heart was broken, again. I couldn’t trust anyone, but mostly, I couldn’t trust myself. I had absolutely followed my heart there, and I was wrong.
And I was mad. What the hell?! So I said to the Universe, “if I can’t trust myself and I can’t trust my heart, how will I survive? If I am to survive, I need help. And signs that I won’t die. Gentle signs because I’m really hurting from all these hard lessons.” I said, “Please show me I will be taken care of and ok”.
Within a few minutes, I had messages from two people who wanted Reiki. One felt guided to reach out and make sure I was ok.
Bit by bit, day by day (it took many many months to start to feel better), I numbly muddled along, rebuilding my life and rebuilding my business. I found a lovely space in June 2017 to reopen my tiny spa, where I could do hair and Reiki.
Going to Canada DID exponentially shatter and grew me spiritually; blew my heart wide open to the universe. Surrendering opened me to the cosmic support I’ve always longed for but hadn’t asked for. I have a much deeper trust in being guided by Creator/Universe/ angels. I often say, “show me” and the signs are clear. The synchronicities give me goosebumps and often make me laugh in amusement, or cry in wonder and awe.
It was extraordinarily painful. Even harder than divorce. But it was worth it.