I turned 50 this year. I had hoped for a spiritual yummy experience on my birthday trip to Kauai, and expected to come back feeling renewed and refreshed. But it feels more like a mid-life crisis and discovered the joys of menopause instead. I am wondering if anything I do is meaningful, is my soul fulfilled enough.

I have been preparing a Crone ceremony for future women, and think it’s ironic that I got to be my first client for it. I am also suprised that some women in my world have scolded me for not embracing the word Hag or Crone. And others have shamed me for not being old enough or menopausal enough for the title.

So as I am pondering my path, I have decided to become a living forest fairy in the meantime. We did a ceremony to celebrate.  I created the wording, and made a fairy gown.  We enjoyed mojitos, fruits and chocolate, and weaved flower wreaths for our hair.  We did ritual bathing in flower filled clawfoot tubs, in water that basked all night under the full moon and then warmed in the sunlight.  We laughed and opened our hearts. It was joyful.  See ceremony wording below.

Croning/Forest Fairy Ceremony

Includes: A ritual bath or cleansing, flowers, drumming, anointing the women with Ritual Oil, calling in the directions and the elements of earth, air, fire, and water…

Nicolle (Flower Girl N) : Opening words
A ritual is a ceremony that puts us in touch with the stream or flow of life’s energies, life’s patterns, life’s cycles. Welcome to our first crone ceremony, and to celebrate the Triple Goddess and all Goddesses. The Triple Goddess is a deity, a celestial or divine being. She symbolizes some key aspects of femininity and life’s natural birth death rebirth cycle. The Triple Goddess represents the three archetypes: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. 

“The moon is the Goddess who dies and rises again.” The Great Cosmic Mother.

There she was standing, barefoot on the shore of all that could be. And the earth whispered her name and she had the faith she was ready. She wanted to show the world how to love, how to open up, and how to embrace each other. She was ready to be the change.

And she wondered… why am I so attached to this human body now? Why am I grieving aging and this next phase of life when I never wanted to be here, on this weird planet… with legs and skin and using words instead of heart to communicate.  With all the ways I never belonged here… and never fit in… Why am I sad that I am growing older? And the quiet, gentle answer whispered it’s way into her heart “Oh! Because I have grown to love her.” And soft tears rolled down her cheeks. I have grown to love her.

Flower Girl H: Breathe in, and notice: The force that guides the planets and the stars, guides us too. Earth is vibrating at the same frequency as our brains and hearts.

“And so it is, when an umbilical cord of love flows up from the earth and down from the sky. And so it is, when the divisions between heaven and earth crack open a little and spirits gather from all over. And all that was left, was Love and Wonder.” ~Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood

Flower girl A: “Go outside, and let your breath be stolen away. Find the forests, seek the seas,
meditate on the mountains, mist covered from morning. We are nurtured by nature, born for the wild places; We have no business in cities, in buildings taller than trees can grow. Go outside, and begin living again.” ~Tyler Knott Gregson

Flower girl H: We are stars wrapped in skin- the light you are seeking has always been within. Yes, we are star beings, and we are part of all life. And we are beings of Light. (light candle)  We have kindled a light that our daughters and granddaughters can carry to light and enlighten the future.

Flower Girl G: Angel Blessing
Because angels are close and everything’s going to be all right, and the Universe is saying this is a blessed time of your life. Because the woman you are now marks a new beginning, and the woman you are becoming is calling you home and towards wholeness.

This is a place of remembering who you are, and that you are made of wildness and filled with stars. May you lean in to the changes and cycles you are being called towards. May you find the courage to trust, love and accept yourself, and shout yes to the burn of transformation.
This is where you enter. This is where you stop resisting. This is where you shoot out of the cracks you’ve fallen into. This is where the waiting ends and a new you is born. There’s no going back.
May you lean in. May you lean in. ~Tanya Markul

Flower Girl A: Today we celebrate with a Woman Ceremony, designed to inspire Spiritual reflection, wisdom, delight and fun, childlike wonder, and curiosity, and being part of all that is. We will all be Crones. “Crone” is derived from the word cronus (time), and points to the wisdom gained through life experiences. Since time never ends, and is cyclical, We can grow older and then be reborn, young again.

Flower Girl G: The Crone’s title was related to the word “crown” of the ancient tribal matriarch. She was the healer, the teacher, and the one who imparted knowledge. She mediated disputes, she had influence over tribal leaders, and she cared for the dying as they took their final breaths. She is the medicine woman. She is a spiritual elder and a wise mentor. The invitation for each of us is to love and accept all of yourself, to forgive yourself and others, to get in touch with your own innocent heart, and to craft a vision for a powerful future for yourself.

Nicolle: Open Circle (face each direction, take turns reading)
Ancient Goddess, Mother of All Life, we stand at a threshold. Behind us are our childbearing and child rearing years. Ahead of us are doors through which we cannot see.

Flower Girl G: Spirit of the East, element of Air, through your energy we are able to bring forth new life, as does the sun when it rises in the East. To the East within you, may you be blessed with inner illumination.

Flower Girl A: Spirit of the South, element of Fire, through your energy we are able to make a tiny spark into the flame of life. To the South within you, may you hear the counsel of your heart.

Flower Girl H: Spirit of the West, element of Water, through your energy we are able to contain and nurture new life inside our bodies. To the West within you, may you be reborn with every season.

Flower Girl A: : Spirit of the North, element of Earth, through your energy we are able to unite spirit and matter into a new life, feeding and giving growth as our mother earth nurtures us. To the North within you, may you express the wisdom of your true self.

Flower Girl G: To all Above that is within you, may you be guided by angels and divinity. To all Below that is within you, may you discover the blessing of your shadow. To the Spirit within you,
may you find your way home.
You can become a living fairy, and fairies are witches with wings. (Return to face the East)

Nicolle: I am a part of the entire Universe and it is part of me. Here, inside me, I sense and feel and know all of the other directions. This is the place where it all comes together and I understand what “one” means. I am one with all that is above and below me and it all comes to rest in this center point of my being. I celebrate this and give thanks.

Flower Crown
Flower Girl G: May you delightfully accept this flower crown. The Goddess is joyous, outrageous, real and at ease, living from the inside out. May you blossom and reclaim your ancient identity, your identity of self, may you drop the cloaks of society and become most fully alive.
Flower Girl A: May you become younger, lighter, playful, may you continue to be curious and filled with wonder. May you turn into a living forest fairy, your eyes shining like the silvery moon, your hair filled with vines and flowers, your heart open and filled with stars, until one day, in many years, you turn into light.

Flower Girl H: May you always remember you are an earth child, fairy goddess wise woman, daughter of the sun and moon and stars

Nicolle: Close circle
East: May this be the day of our rebirth freed from the burdens of the past. This is the beginning of a new life, guided by the gifts of clear thinking, inspiration and experience.

North: This is our new beginning, receiving the gifts of strength and solidarity.
West: Behold we are reborn, receiving gifts of intuition and knowledge.
South: Behold we are born anew, receiving gifts of creativity and energy.
East: The circle is now closed and the passage is complete.