I haven’t written in a couple days because I’m upset.
Quick poll, show of hands. How many of you are happy? I mean really, truly, deeply content, peaceful, at ease? (I suspect there aren’t many). On the other hand, how many of you are barely “alive”, just going through the motions, trying to get by, waiting for who knows what, so then you can be happy? How many of you have a happy list, a list of things that make you happy, then do it?

This trip is on my happy list- my bucket list (which isn’t long, because I’ve already accomplished most everything on my list, I don’t ask for much.) I have wanted to travel to a Spanish speaking country since I was about 15. I was president of the Spanish club in HS and helped raise money so others could go. If I had been able to study abroad, just one semester, in college, I had enough credits to major in Spanish. Turns out there are also beaches and ocean here, which is just a big bonus to me!! (cuz we all know how much I hate to swim!)

Everyone is divided about this trip. Some of you say, “Yaaay girl! What an opportunity! You have worked hard your whole life, had a rough couple of years; go have fun with your son for a few weeks!” And then the rest of you think I’ve lost my mind, been abducted by aliens, kidnapped, or worse. Some of you are treating me like an irresponsible, disobedient little girl. I am surprised and saddened that some of the people who should know me the best are upset with me now, and some of them haven’t even asked if we are having the best time of our lives, if we laugh every day (yes, belly laugh- every day!) They don’t ask if we sat on the beach and colored, or if we read stories to each other at night, or if we swing in the hammock together and listen to music, or what we have learned every day.

They don’t seem to care if this is a time for me to heal, repair from the end of a bad marriage, find meaning in life, and start over with a fresh look? (oh yeah, and have a freaking awesome vacation with my favorite person in the whole world- my offsping, to boot!) We sold our piano to come here- for crikey’s sakes, let us have another week without guilt before we come back?

Why does this trip make those of you feel threatened? What are you afraid of for us? (by the way, google it- it’s safer here than in any place in the US). Is it because you are used to controlling me? Or used to me being very boring, predictable, (and very sad?) Are you afraid because we are doing something awesome and you haven’t? Are you worried that we won’t come back (well, we do love the ocean, and markets, and fresh air, and no tv, and so much learning… who wouldn’t!)

I want to slap some of you and thank you for trying to ruin our trip. But on the other hand, it probably wouldn’t help, cuz you don’t listen to me anyway.
Sigh 🙁