So many changes this year. I have been betrayed by some I didn’t expect, and again by people who have betrayed me my entire life (my parents mostly) and new people as well. It’s painful to realize that some things haven’t changed and my parents still disappoint me and can make me feel like a small, scared child again. I would like to say I don’t need them, but deep down, I feel heartbroken all over again, an orphan. Secretly, I wonder… If my own parents can’t love me, how can anyone else?
But maybe, just maybe, I don’t really need them, and I can be loveable and beautiful in my own right, regardless of their ugliness.
I am telling myself today that I am strong. I am asking the universe to provide for me everything I need to be safe and happy and at peace. I am asking to feel complete, not broken.
Random scribbles in my journal from previous years that seem relevant today:
You are strong where you feel week.
In your brokenness, complete.
Fear: we want to keep safe.
Love: we already are safe.
I see with love. I think with love.
I move in love. I live as love.
Love is me. I am love. ~Kidest Om
I am not perfect. Perfectly human. Beautifully imperfect.
This week I prayed for love. I asked the great universe to take care of me, protect me. I prayed for the energy of the earth to give me everything I need to survive and heal and grow, to feel loved and peace. And I felt it.