|the lake near our house, at sunset
I was very sad to leave paradise. I was beyond very sad, actually. I didn’t know how to come back and be a good American. I don’t fit in here, I never have. I am doing better as a grown up, but only because I hide it better. Now it’s harder to hide it… my disdain for consumerism, tv, chemicals, shoes, roads, cars, the lack of connection, nature, humanity. I believed I was going to curl up and die a few weeks ago; just weep salty tears until my body depleted itself, dissolved and disappeared.
I asked for the universe to fill me with love, and it did. I am on a path, once again, of discovery and wonder, seeking beauty and truth. We have been trying to adventure here, find places of beauty near us, and yes, to be barefoot. I have been taking pictures to remind us that beautiful places are here as well.
|I love the colors
Maybe it will be ok after all. I just read a quote, “the most wonderful people are those who don’t fit in boxes.” I used to be disappointed that I didn’t fit in boxes. I tried so hard to fit in, to care about the same things those around me did, to not ask questions, to sit at a desk and have a “real job”.
But I always itched for something more real, more genuine, more meaningful. I am certain my parents are still disappointed in me. I realize I will never make them proud, not doing anything I am passionate about anyway. They simply do not understand me. I think I am ok with that, because finding my place in the world feels right.
|and the silo in the background
Learning that adventures outside, being barefoot… being outside in nature, especially being near water, helps me think more clearly, more free… feels like a balm. Physically going to the mountains or lake (or paradise) helps my spirit and mind adventure too. Being outside of the box helps me think outside of the box.
I need to sleep under the stars. I don’t even own a tent these days (sold everything we had to get to go on our adventure). Wondering if a tent would be a good investment, so I can go camping more? A tent with all windows and screens so I can see the stars. But then… why a tent at all? (bugs of course!!)