Today at reiki, he taught me to center my energy with my hands, and how to unplug my brain and be calm.  He also showed me how to ground myself, send bad energy out, fill up with good energy that’s all around me and already in me.  (Why do I have to pay someone to teach me this as an adult?!? Why are we not being taught this in school?)

When I could do it, and really picture that calm and love (I feel it best when I imagine floating on the water in the sun) he could feel it too and would whisper “good job”.

When his hands were gently over my eyes and we were just breathing in life, peace, love from the universe, an image of a purple flower popped into my mind- a flower bud blossoming and growing in my tummy.  In that safe spot, the one I keep bundled up and hidden, a light came in, and warmth, and now there is a flower growing.   Yes, we were sober!

At the very end, he said, “Many blessings.  I’m proud of you.  You are kicking ass.”
and he added, “feelings of suffering and separation are not real.  Just love what is.”

I leave reiki,  I am, hopeful, giddy even, that I will learn to feel ok.  But what do I do when I go home?  What do I do with all these feelings that come up later?  I don’t know yet how to comfort myself.    And night comes, and I am to my knees, hollow, lonesome.  I have just hours ago barely learned to be calm with his help, and now I’m by myself with all this sadness.  

I text him, he responds immediately.
“Nothing is wrong. You are perfect, whole, and complete.  Everybody is.  There is nothing to fix. There is nothing to do except just be.”  What a beautiful soul he is.  I am grateful.