I was thinking. Again. Actually, I never stop thinking, and sometimes I have twelve thoughts and inner dialogues at the same time. But this particular thought~ some people take sabbaticals and travel. Some become missionaries. Some travel Europe and stay in youth hostels, carrying just a backpack. Some go south every winter. Some travel in the military, some for their careers.
|more quiet beach
I am traveling now. Maybe I just wanted an excuse for an adventure. Maybe I am having a(n) early mid life crisis. Maybe it’s a nervous breakdown. Maybe I should ask the doctor for some meds so I will want to sit at a desk job and work 8-5 pm. Maybe I’ve lost my mind (I don’t hear any voices though, just birds and ocean waves). Maybe I have itched, deep down, for much of my life for an adventure, or to experience a different culture. Maybe this is the first time in my entire life I have had the nerve to live more than 30 miles from my home town, where I was born. Maybe it took calamity and fear of staying the same to push me into a new direction.
But I am not really hurting anyone (I hope!!) I am funding it myself, with the stuff I sold. I had hoped renting out my house would pay the mortgage; so that would be a wash. (It hasn’t exactly worked out that way, but it is being remedied.)
I have still enjoyed being here, but it’s more still, reflective, without him. I am taking more time to think and heal. I am independent, single, but safe; my travel companion looks out for me but gives me lots of space. I am sure that I am growing and good will come of all this.