An Intentional Wedding- in three parts
We were thoughtful and intentional about the entire process, weaving meaning and intention into every part of it- for ourselves, for each other, for our relationship, and for the collective. Again and again, we were inspired along the way, and what began as a wedding slowly revealed itself as something much bigger. Joe had the idea to place our intentions into a seed crystal idea.
Neither of us has ever been particularly interested in conforming to traditional marriage concepts, and we weren’t especially excited about the idea of “marrying the government.” But creating a ceremony that reflected who we are, making promises to each other, and having the people we love witness those promises created something much deeper. It turns out that the legal marriage changed our status; the ceremony deepened our commitment to each other.
I have been officiating weddings and ceremonies for almost 30 years, and when it came time to create our own, I knew I wanted something spiritual, authentic, and completely unique to us. I also wanted our community to be part of it- not simply to witness our marriage from afar, but to participate in it and help hold the space for what we were creating together.
Our announcement informed our guests: Our celebration is nontraditional, rooted in meaning, community, and care for the earth. Many elements are thrifted, shared, borrowed, or heirloom; chosen with love. Thank you for being part of something heartfelt, meaningful, and a little different.
The First Ceremony- Two of Us
We had the whim to begin with a private ceremony with just the two of us. Our dearest friend came and held space with us. On May 24, in our backyard, we gathered for a spontaneous and deeply intimate ceremony.
We shared cacao, meditated, practiced eye gazing, and spoke our intentions for ourselves and our relationship.
During the ceremony, I received a powerful download: that our two complete selves could be represented as two circles coming together to create the Seed of Life. Adding our friend’s circle created the Flower of Life. Then, when two more people joined us in Sedona, another layer was added. Finally, when our larger community came together for our legal ceremony, the pattern expanded again.
It felt like a living metaphor for what we were doing- not just getting married, but consciously seeding something we wanted to create within our relationship and out in the world.
Our Heart Ceremony in Sedona
The next layer unfolded in Sedona on May 30. Our Idaho friend traveled down with us, where we met our other dear friends, a married couple, both Reiki Masters and healers. Together, these are the three people have been the deepest witnesses and support to my healing and growth for more than a decade. Sometime back, I officiated their intimate wedding ceremony with just the three of us, barefoot in the river. Now having them hold space for Joe and me, was a profound honor and a beautiful full-circle moment.
Serendipitously, the night before our ceremony, we were offered the gift of doing our heart ceremony on private sacred land with a labyrinth! This was especially meaningful because we had experienced another transformational moment together at a labyrinth in Idaho the prior summer.
We began our ceremony day with cacao, reverence, and play. For reasons we couldn’t explain, we decided not to rush our morning wedding plans. Throughout the day, ideas emerged organically from all five of us, and we spontaneously created a wow ceremony together. (This would have panicked me in any other situation- being hours behind with no prepared script. But in this context, it felt completely ethereal and perfectly aligned with universal timing)
Then we dressed and drove to the labyrinth. Five of us gathered near the teepee, next to a great Tree of Life. A hummingbird came in close to witness, while the setting sun streamed through the leaves onto us. Our friends smudged and drummed for us, and one placed the headdress she had made for me on my head.
We passed our rings and crystal around between us, blessing them with our love and intentions. We put the rings on cords and fastened them around each other’s necks, to wear close to our hearts until our actual ceremony.
The ladies prepared the center of the labyrinth with rose petals and a blanket for us to meet together. Joe and I entered side by side, each taking our own path around the labyrinth until we met in the center. There, they handfasted us and read our intentions back to us.
We left the crystal in the center of the labyrinth, entrusting those intentions to something larger than ourselves. As we turned to leave together, hand in hand, three deer were close by, watching us.
Solstice Eve: Our Wedding
Our official ceremony took place on Solstice Eve, June 20, in our backyard beneath a tree, surrounded by our closest family and friends, including the three dear friends who had also been with us in Sedona, holding sacred space for our union.
Our shaman friend invited our guests to gather in a circle to receive us. As he drummed, the two women moved around the circle, smudging and preparing the space to receive us. He asked our guests to pass our rings around the circle, inviting each person to place their love and blessings into them. He reminded everyone that these blessings were not only for us, but for all of us.
Originally, we had planned something a little less woo-woo for our public-facing wedding. But after Sedona, we knew we didn’t want to change a thing. We wanted our loved ones to experience the ceremony as it was- deeply spiritual, a little woo-woo, and completely us—and to receive whatever they could from it.
And they did.
They held space for us. They blessed our rings. They witnessed us. And in a very real way, they helped birth us into our new married life.
PS: We had no professional vendors or traditional decorations. Our photographer couldn’t make it at the last minute due to flight trouble, and a friend stepped in to capture video so the parents who couldn’t be there could still experience it. Somehow, that felt perfectly fitting, too- our wedding was created and held by the people who were there.
The Bigger Flower of Life
Looking back, the three ceremonies feel like three expanding circles.
First, there was Joe and me.
Then our intimate circle grew to include our closest friend who helped us hold our intentions. Then came Sedona, where we brought those intentions into sacred land and expanded the circle again. And finally, our community gathered around us and completed the larger circle.
We were reminded that we are not separate from one another. We are part of the whole. What we do matters. The intentions we hold matter. The love we bring into our relationships matters.
And we were reminded that something beautiful is happening on this planet—and that we are part of it. Our wedding was not just about becoming husband and wife.
It was about consciously choosing what we want to seed together, how we want to love one another, and what we want to contribute to the world around us.
