This is my journal entry immediately after a deep journey with ceremony and holotropic breathwork.

This session occurred during a weekend spiritual retreat, where I assisted with teaching Reiki Mastery.  

I was entirely surprised that the music and breathwork achieved the same results as shamanic journeying, deep meditation,  as well as ceremonial plant medicine.  Many tools to get to the same place…  I am humbled and reminded that the more I learn, the less I know.

I’m not the only one to have these visions because I can find images on google if I search long enough.  Links included where I can.

My body is heavy, tingly, vibrating.  So heavy.  Every cell is vibrating, pulsing heavy fast. 

My body is splitting apart in slow motion, cell by cell.  Each cell is pulsing open and pulsing closed, in and out.  The music pulses me open and closed, fast like breathing, slow like stars bursting and black holes.  It is the same.

Now I am painting with stars, painting with colors of stars.  Oh!  I am painting with light; I am making nebulas; I move the light around with my fingers.  I am painting a nebula to wear.  I swirl and spin, I am painting and dancing in the vast dark sky, swirling in my dress made of stars.

I paint with light, I am singing and my voice creates light.  The vibrations of voice create waves of light.  There is other singing that joins, but I cannot see or sense anyone else.  Their voices join me and we are playing with the light, the lightwaves ripple, and  float into my starry body  and become my cells, which are the stars too.  The light ripples become water; carrying memory of starlight, and it’s here, in my body, while I’m painting more light too, while I am singing me…. into existence…  creating me…

Surrounded and filled with swirling lights, soft colors, bright colors.  I can see the patterns, and I can move the patterns with my voice and my starlight fingers.  I am playing with breathing, in and out.  I am breathing in the galaxies and colors and music.  The voices are singing my cells alive, filling them with our voices and stars.  The other voices are singing to me, for me, creating me and changing my shape.  

I am getting tighter, darker, condensed now, being pulled towards and through a nebula; the eye of the nebula portal…  a portal of light… travel… and… birth.

I get smaller and darker and I’m sad to leave them, the beings with voices.  I travel far through distance, quickly, at the same time.  I travel until I’m softly floating and surrounded by red.  All red bubbles.  Oh, cells maybe.  I am floating in ripply red water with waves and songs of vibration of my journey that we sang into existence.  They are still singing for me, further away, singing me alive, while I am growing in a womb.  I see brainwaves carry the same light as galaxies and light and dark, it’s all connected through the nebula eye.

I can’t hear the singing anymore, I feel heavy and filled with grief.  Now I am lying back in my body in the room.  I created alone, it was just me and the sound of singing and stars; I traveled alone, I am here alone.  I don’t know if anyone else came here with me, or will meet me here.  I don’t know if my beloved will ever find me, so far away on the little planet in the corner of the galaxy.  And if he did find me, would he see my colors of nebulas and stars singing?  I feel small and alone and far away from the light and singing.